'Tis The Season

  It may come as a surprise to you all that I'm actually a huge Christmas lover. Whilst most would expect me to be a No.1 Scrooge, there's truly nothing I love more than the yearly necessary visit to Winter Wonderland, dazzling lights covering the entire of Central London or the 'It's Christmas' excuse to eat as much as I like for weeks on end. I spent the days leading up to this festive holiday in Amsterdam, which I quickly discovered to be the best place in the World. It's basically an adorable, drug filled heaven with an endless amount of waffles and a lot of cultural activities which we didn't get around to doing. However, no type of weed, hash brownie or magic mushroom could hide me from the worst thing about Christmas, the jumpers. Everyone seems to be wearing one. It's this time of year when all of the high-street brands change the tragic typical theme of their jumpers (using a sickening word, usually 'dope' or 'swag', with some sort of 'illuminati' symbol in an attempt to try and connect with the kids) and go down the snowy road towards Christmas Jumper doom. The designers, who I assume have no grasp on aesthetics, for some reason replace those revolting phrases with an even worse Christmas themed design, usually involving snowflakes, a reindeer/penguin/snowman and the classic ghastly red, white and green colour scheme. The worst part is they're everywhere. It's almost like some form of disease. Some of them even sing Christmas songs with the push of a button, usually hidden in the reindeers nose, or even have painfully embarrassing 'jokes' such as 'Tickle my baubles' or 'Jingle my bells' making them even worse, which I didn't think was possible. If you're a Christmas keeno and want to show the World your overwhelming love for arguably the best time of the year, that's a really nice thought, but to prevent your relatives from becoming blind at your Christmas Lunch, I suggest you rethink your clothing choice. I hope you all had a great Christmas and didn't have to endure too many of these monstrous jumpers over the holiday or didn't get one as a present (if you did, burn it).

H